Treading water

Random thoughts this morning

I think I swam yesterday. (I'm taking swimming lessons) Well I moved in water by kicking my legs and moving my arms, if you had seen it you may not have recognized it as swimming. But I have 4 more lessons, so you never know. I was just telling this guy in my class b4 class that I did not think I would know how to swim at the end of our lessons. Life surprises me all the time. I still cant float ot tread water very well. But hey I got to press on.

I watched Diary of a Mad Black Women yesterday, and I was yet surprised again. I thought it was good, no sex, little violence, and redemptive. Its nice to see Black people on the screen, depicting the reality of life but a positive portrayal of family.

Positive Black love on TV, that's a rarity, black people being married, that's a rarity too. I love to see both, it gives me hope in the mix of our sex crazed, be a pimp, video hoe, baby momma culture. Our kids need to see how a black man is to love a black women with dignity and respect and vice versa. Hell I need that. We are all worth it and capable, we just need to renew our minds and watch what we take into our spirits, because negative images(both in the home and on TV) will manifest and perpetuate themselves in our everyday lives.

Two natures beat inside my chest
one if vile and one is blessed
one I love and one I hate
the one you feed will dominate
---I got that from this Christian Poetry dude named Dr. Groove in Chi-town
If you walk in the spirit people

I keep telling my friends, I think I will marry a man that is not a professional, or as I like to say a blue collar man. I just been thinking about that for the past couple of months, because that all I attract. I gets mad love. Moreso because they are more plentiful then professionals and they actually date black women. I think the love and appreciate black women more then these professional men, cause all they seem to care about is a career. Again a generalization, but hey. But anyway I think I am ok with that, I think in general people put way to much validity in what you do and what you know. But as an educated black women, knowing the issues in black relationships do you think that will create a schism? I have just seen so many black women the are bright, ambitious, and smart but cant reach their full potential because they are with and burdened by a sorry, crazy a*@ negro that is sitting at home on the couch while she is at work. I just want a man that can hold his own and wants something out of life, without me holding his hand. I want a man not a child.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I opened my bible and for the past few months, I keep randomly coming to the same passage when Jesus quotes Isaiah and says "Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor" then it goes on to say how a prophet is always rejected in his own town. Weird...Maybe I need continual reminder of my destiny.

don't you think it is weird that I can almost swim but not float, you don't have to do anything to float, just lay there. And I cant tread water either because I have to just keep myself afloat with no destination. hhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Welcome to the Neighborhood

This is interesting, I'm wondering what people think. America has nothing better to do.

Welcome to the Neighborhood is a new television reality show that ABC intends to air on July 10, 2005. ABC is owned by the Walt Disney Company.

According to promotional materials, ABC’s website and our viewing of the first two episodes, this show asks seven families of diverse racial, ethnic and religious backgrounds to compete against each other to secure the approval of three neighbors to win a four-bedroom house in Austin, Texas. The judges are three white families who say the neighborhood “supports the President, traditional Christian values and wants people like themselves” to live in the neighborhood.

The premise of the show is that the white residents of this “picture perfect” community will have the right to select their new neighbors. The families competing for their approval include families who are African American, Hispanic, Asian American, a white gay couple with an African American child, and a family with non-traditional religious beliefs--all groups protected by federal or state Fair Housing laws. ABC is sponsoring a program that contradicts these families’ legal rights under the federal and state Fair Housing Act.

According to Shanna Smith, President and CEO of the National Fair Housing Alliance, “This show violates the spirit and intent of the federal Fair Housing Act. In America, residents of neighborhoods or homeowners associations do not get to choose new neighbors based on their race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability or the fact that they have children. In fourteen states and the District of Columbia, fair housing laws protect gays and lesbians from discriminatory housing practices.”

NFHA plans to contact the sponsors of the show who, no doubt, have employment policies that do not discriminate against Blacks, Latinos, Asian Americans, Gays or people with different religious beliefs. We are shocked that Disney supports this ABC program that actually allows neighbors to discriminate, judge and eliminate people based on their race, color, religion, national origin, family status or sexual orientation.

NFHA is concerned that Welcome to the Neighborhood will give homeowners the idea that they can engage in discrimination and stereotyping without any consequences. This program advances the idea that everyone living in suburbia must be alike in their religious and political beliefs, and racial and ethnic backgrounds. Christian organizations and white residents of suburban communities ought to be offended by the bigotry and ignorance displayed on this program. Disney should be ashamed of financially supporting such bigotry and ignorance as well.

The National Fair Housing Alliance and civil rights groups nationwide urge Disney, ABC and its affiliates not to air this show. We must use this opportunity as a “teachable moment” to bring attention to fair housing, the issue of discrimination and the crisis of segregation in the U.S. today, by attracting national media to write about the many problems with ABC’s proposed reality show, Welcome to the Neighborhood.

Difference does not mean deviance

Difference does not mean deviance.... Is what a professor of mine used to say in my African American Lit. Class. I cant get that out of my head these days, because that sounds like a good thing to ascribe to, but do we really believe that? And does anybody: black, white, Asian, Latino and all the people groups of the world really believe that?

I saw the movie "Crash" this weekend and was both cracking up and appalled at how prejudice we all are from the most overt bigot to the nicest and most culturally aware and sensitive people we all think we are. The black people were talking about other black people and white people, and Chinese people, the Asian people about white people, the white people talking about Arab people (who were actually Persian), the black people calling every Hispanic person Mexican, the white people that were afraid of black people and Hispanic people. I mean left and right, going around and around in circles, judging each other by appearances and putting people in the "those people" by using some Politically incorrect term. We all like categories, my last blog was defining a category. Like I said quite funny(interesting funny) but appalling. Rather sick, that no matter where you are in the world, there is this superior and inferior group of people based on their color, features, religion, languages, culture etc. We all want to be on top and even if you are at the bottom, we relish in the fact that some one or other group is worst off then we are. And we categories people in ways we don't like to be categorized. We really do not like people that are not like us or at least put our self above them, sometimes we think we are justified and sometimes not at all.

I'm not one for the cheesy lets all get along crap, but people are really crappy to each other in general. Especially across racial and ethnic lines and within those lines maybe even worst(crabs in a bucket). And we don't even need to pull out, my best "friend is ------." That does not mean a thing. We operate on pre-conceived notions or our ideas of what people are, are not and who we want them to be, and how they are different from us. And because they are different, they are deviant and we are better(or we are normal and the standard and they are other). We automatically put people in our mental categories, fat, skinny, black, white, ghetto, "at-risk," I can go on and on. Everybody is prejudice, (or course to varying extremes), but no one is exempt, its a human thing. It points to the reality of this sinful and broken world and our sinfulness.

We are all in search of significance. Something that makes us good and other people bad, high and other people low, a line of demarcation. Sometimes I can at least respect the overt racist people because they are honest about who they are and how they think, unapologetically. Every one else is afraid to admit it or in denial. We all have things that we would not say out loud or we would just not say to someone of another culture or color, but we think it or talk about it with our friends.

I've been having some interesting conversations with both black and white people about race, racism, categories and prejudices as a response to my blogs. More so with white people, black people always talk about race and white people amongst each other. Quite interesting, I do however like the dialog with my white counterparts. A part of me is sooo very sick of having these types of conversations, as I don't want to have to speak for all black people and can't or even have to explain myself , but another part of me feels free to get it out on the table. I'm always explaining myself to somebody. Some days I do believe and want to pursue racial reconciliation, some days white people really annoy me and I am full of anger, most days I am all about black empowerment and being militant(fight the power!!!), most days black people annoy me more than white people, some days I am like why I am around these white people all the time and just want to be immersed in black culture and feel normal and be around the comfort of my own folks. Oh how I miss it more than I can explain. Most days I don't sweat it too much and enjoy the people in my life regardless of what they are or not. But I am glad to have my white friends (you like my qualifier) and I have had this rather painful experience but joyful at times and redemptive(overall) experience of being around white people 24/7. Its probably one of the hardest things I've done over the past two years, because I think it is one thing to have to survive in a white world at work and school, but its comforting to come home and have people know and understand your perspective on life and culture, and unexplainable commonality of we are in the same boat. But not being able to retreat in your own home is hard. When you go home and see the pervasiveness of race and cultural differences, that's hard. Being fully aware of how you are different all the time is hard. Being caught in between two worlds is hard. But at the same time, I don't think I've lived in a more peaceful house or have had such a drama free and enjoyable time living with people then this year. And I don't ever want to or think I will stop realizing my housemates are white, or vice versa, but maybe we are just realizing that and enjoying each other for what we are anyway. So I can't make them understand me fully(at least me as a black person),or maybe they are more than just random white people to me but will still be in my "well meaning category" and I will probably always have to speak a different vernacular with them then my black friends, and maybe they have never even seen the "Color Purple" and know all the lines, and maybe they are prejudice and so am I, but we can still be friends. Isn't that what friendship is anyway, to love people in spite of themselves and in spite of yourself. Is relationships where difference stops being deviant? Yes and no. You can be a total racist and have your best friend be black, or talk about Asian people and have a deep relationship someone who is Japanese. We have a dichotomy I think, between what we know and understand on a large scale whether good or bad(generalizations) and what we know to be true on an individual basis. For me it is the American system and structure of institutionalized racism and how I feel about white privledge and the subjugation of black people, and hating that with a passion and projecting that on those that benefit from it to some extent and are unaware of it. Then I have white people who I love dearly regardless of where they are on my well meaning meter. We live in such dichotomy and extremes that its hard to even decipher and its hard for difference not to be deviant at least in our minds and even in our hearts. Oh wretched man that I am who shall save me from myself and every other crazy person in this world....

The Top Ten Ways You Can Get Ex-Communicated

Black people love to kick people out of the BC (Black Community). It's kind of funny.We need one more funny one to complete the Top Ten list... so feel free to add.

Your are no longer a card holding member of the BC if you:

. You are your only Black Friend (you dont know your are black)
· You think Alex Haley's roots is a line of ethnic hair care products (Missed black History 101)
. You are a black man dating or married to a white women (you will get ex-communicated and dirty looks for the rest of your life by ABW (Angry Black Women)
· For any reason other than health reasons, you never ever consume fried chicken or a pork chop (you think "soul food" is spiritual food for thought)
· You are a self proclaimed Republican (things that make you go hhhmmmm)
· Your first name is Condelezza and your last name is Rice (self-proclaimed Republican)
· You do not know how to do the "Electric Slide" (You have probably never been to an all black event, bbq, or family reunion)
· You have not seen the Color Purple, Coming to America, the Cosby
how, or Boyz in the Hood (Missed Black films 101)
· You have ever said or followed through on the following, "I'll
never date/marry a black woman because [fill in the blank]" (You probably should not say this out loud to a black women if you want to live)

Disclaimer people, the list written above is not necessarily a representation of my particular views but are just reasons black people may may want to revoke your "Black" card. I think all of our notions of "Blackness" are funny, but what is "Blackness"? Ethnic notions.......lets talk about those soon

Future Gap Model

 

A few of you know this but I am totally convinced I should be a Gap model. Can yall just see me. That dark skinned black girl with natural hair, some kahki's and a white tank top. "Fall into the Gap" I am all over that. Except for the fact that their clothes are made in sweat shops the last time I checked. Reality sucks. Lets continue dreaming. For those of you who think I am crazy. I was spotted in the mall when I was in NY this month and this lady from a modeling agency, stopped me and said I had a "unique look." A "unique look" I said as I was cracking up. Too bad their headquarters is in NY and I was rolling out to VA in a couple of days. That was one of those shady agencies anyway. But I did indeed get spotted.

Oh and for those of you who don't know (my housemates know all too well) I am totally impressed with how cute I am these days. You ever go by the mirror or look in the mirror and be like,"Damn" who is that, she looks good. LOL. Anyway my hair is about an inch long and I am liking it alot these days. I am just such a cute little chocolate thang, looking like a Nubian princess (no better yet a Queen). I know, I'm crazy. But at the end of the day, I think I probably don't look that much better, but maybe who God is making me on the inside looks so much more attractive to me now. I am facing more of my ugliness and beauty as well. Maybe I am just more of a reflection of God and see so much beauty in that. Or maybe I am impressed with my uniqueness and God's creation, and how fearfully and wonderfully made I am despite my major physical, emotional, and spiritual flaws. Or maybe I am just conceited. Ha Ha ya thought I was going deep. I am just all that and a bag of chips with the dip (because I am made in His Image), but on a more shallow note, think I would be a good Gap Model.

But I do think we all need to holla at our sense of self worth. That has alot to do with our reflection or perception of self and realization of our own unique beauty.

Black Love...I'll blog on this later, but in the meantime

Here is some food for thought people. I've been doing some thinking on why I (and probably most of the black women i know) feel so personally offended by black men dating white women. It's the unforgivable sin in the BC (Black Community). You get ex-communicated from the race by members of the community and lose your "Black" membership card. LOL. A phrase me and my friends use is, "Another one bits the dust." My other friend, calls these men "self-loathing." My full thoughts later, but in the meantime, a fellow blogger of mine takes a stab at it and she difinately is a ABW(angry black women) such as myself.

Caught in the 20s: More of that Mo' Betta Black Love

Comments...

Hey folks, you can post comments on this site without being a blogger. Just click comments, click other or anonymous and publish your comments. And I am not easily offended so comment away. I like thoughts and discussion.

Just trying to stay afloat

I am taking swimming lessons. Yes people, I really can not swim at 24. Ha Ha, get your laughs out already. And i am not at all afraid of water, just never learned how to swim. And more specifically, I can't even float. Now the funny thing is i have no problem with the "dead man's float," I mean I cant to it terribly well, but it does not cause me as much trouble as floating on my back. Now let's analyze this, like what i do with most things. I think you and I will learn something that is probably central to my personhood.

I can take the dead float head on. And i think that is because i am on my stomach and can see what is ahead, and if I sink i have my hands and feet to ground me. Now this is just the sense of perceived security that i place in myself. And what i can do to to virtually save myself. I like knowing what is in front of me, and when dead mans floating I can plan for at least an ok landing, or catching myself when i feel myself sinking. I like the sense of control. Now the floating on my back, i just cant get. I just can't let go. Now why would i trust water to save me. I know i am not going to die, but I have the fear of what might happen. If i don't float there are no hands and feet to catch me and they will probably go every which way if i lose control. Crazy i know. I have no control when i just lay back on the water. The funny thing is that if someone is behind me i feel exponentially better, but not totally secure. That sense of security, i know what will happen if i lose control. Something is behind me.

I am a control freak and it even shows up in my swimming lessons. So I am learning to let go and just let things happen. "just lay on the water." Its hard people. I tell myself, i am not going to sink and even if i do, it is unlikely that I will drown. Because even if i lose control for 10 seconds,I can just stand up in 4 feet of water and try again. I bet there are so many more areas of my life that i need to let go and lose control, and that will probably be a good thing. The funny thing is that the ability to let go gives me a greater ability to float. In spiritual terms could that mean that us letting go, gives God greater ability to work in our lives and keep us afloat? I bet all of us are dead man's floating with our spiritual lives instead of laying back into the Lord and letting him catch us. So I ask, what areas of your life do you need to relinquish control and just let go of your perceived security?

"Well Meaning" Defined

Let me clarify my use of the term "well meaning white people," as a category and at least my general use of the term (a broad generalization). They are do-gooders. They are not intentionally malicious in their thinking, thoughts or actions or overtly racist. It actually as termed by black people usually describes white people that try to understand or "get it" and have good intentions of helping black people and being PC. However liberal and enlightened they are or try to be, still have a white outlook on the world. And probably miss the mark at times, and that can be a gradation of way off the mark to close to it. We all, whether we care to admit it or not, are prejudice and ignorant (lacking understanding) of other peoples and cultures, and cant ever completely understand. The point is that we try in a way that does not make them feel completely alien. Just my thoughts...

And yes, if you were wondering I do think most white people I know fall in this category at some level. And in my mind that is not necessarily a bad thing, its a reality thing.

A Renewed Self-Image

I think I am going to get a PH.D in critical race theory or something, sorry if my mind is always thinking on racial and ethnic lines. My life is defined on those terms, both a blessing and a burden at times. Anyway my friend decided the other week to go natural. Of course I was overjoyed. She was trying to decide whether to cut it all off(the straight ends) or get braids to let the new growth get some length. I've been there and let me tell you that going natural or not perming my hair was a process(I grew it out with straight ends a year(getting braids, cornrowing and using a hot comb) before I cut it all off) and it was one of the hardest things to do that really required me to rethink my self-image.

Of course I went for the cut it all off and begin afresh, as advice to my friend. Its always nice when someone decides to accept that the way God made black people is quite alright. It may sound simple but its a process and quite and enlightened realization. Its undoing a cultural phenomenon (no longer internalizing oppression) and lifting a physiological imprint - at least in one sense ceasing to be indoctrinated with an inferiority complex, that manifest itself in the way we negatively view ourselves as black people (dark skin, kinky hair, African features (wide noses, big lips, hips and butt). Enslaved Africans were told these lies to humiliate them and make us believe they were inferior(their features, languages, customs and culture) to justify slavery and second class citizenship. (Read this pamphlet by Willie Lynch on how to make a slave, it was a formula) Which has it's origins in slavery and the psychological imprint that is embedded in black culture. Because of this inferiority complex, black people are obsessed with long straight hair. And in some sense espousing to white standards of beauty, long straight hair. Not that people with straight hair think that black is not beautiful, but they still ascribe to white standards of beauty, whether actively or passively. I think that we say black is beautiful but we don't actually live and speak as if it is. We are still on the light/dark skinned dichotomy and the good/bad hair language. This is called internalized oppression. Kind of like if you tell people something so many times they start to believe it, even if is not remotely true.

Anyway, me and my other friend who has been natural for a while were reminiscing on our journey and the process. I remember all my family members shaking their heads in disbelief, as if I were doing something so wrong. And one of the first comments I get and still get unfortunately from my family is "what are you doing with your hair." To them I was crazy, I had long thick "pretty" straight permed /relaxed) hair and why would I dream about cutting it. They all think I am rather eccentric and afro-centric. And I always get, she wants to be African. We always like to forget the first word in our ethnic title (which has changed five times), "African-American." People do not want to admit that we are in fact people of African decent that were brought to America, forcibly may I add. We are obviously far removed from being native African,but for indoctrinated black people any association with the continent is almost a sin, again this is internalized oppression. White Americans often celebrate and associate with their European roots no matter how far removed, black people dissociate and any attempt to associate is viewed as absurd. Again because, we believe the lies and negative perceptions of Africa and Africans. People would laugh at me if I said I was African, but white people who were not born in Ireland, say I am Irish, meaning of Irish decent and that's normal. Obviously I am not a native to any African Country (but I am a part of the African Diaspora) and our ties to particular countries in Africa have been severed for the most part but I am just trying to make a point. So maybe I do want to reclaim what has forever been taken away from Black Americans, our roots (starting with our hair). We need a self-defined identity. Not ourselves defined and measured against, or by others. Anyway I digress. That's another blog.

But my favorite saying by black people is "that looks good on you," "I couldn't do that." Which implies that having your hair like God made it does not look good in and of itself and not everyone can pull it off. Maybe not everyone can pull my hair style off, but everyone can pull their particular natural texture off.

See my newly natural friend is faced with the reality that wow, I don't know how to care for my hair because it has been straight for so long. I don't know how it works and what I am supposed to do with in in it's un-relaxed form. And anyone who is natural knows that you go through a host of products and styles (often frustrated) on what to do and make your hair look good. To be honest, first it will take you a while to really believe that your hair is and looks beautiful. Its counter-cultural to think "nappy" hair is beautiful in the black community. Its crazy. I think it has taken me a while to be comfortable with my hair, with the texture, my curl pattern and different styles and products. It takes time and a whole lot of effort to be counter-cultural. I am still learning and my hair is still a soft spot.

Unfortunately, the tables have turned and I get more compliments from my hair from people that not black that think its cool(which could be exotisim or a sense of curiosity and fascination with otherness) and more "why don't you get a perm" from blacks, who as I have mentioned before are generally indoctrinated. The cultural ignorance of black people is pervasive. Everyone wants to touch my hair. Its funny, black people like to tug and white people want to pat. Both of which I don't like, but tolerate at times, just to avoid being angry black person. So if you have done either, don't sweat it, but just know I am not a huge fan. It makes me feel like a pet and I get an overwhelming sense of "otherness." I do like compliments though. Then I get just as many questions from both groups, black and non black. For some white people, black people and all their idiosyncrasies are this new thing, as if we haven't existed since creation. I think its just that we have to function in their world to live and survive and its a choice for them to function and navigate our sub-culture. So when they begin to its like functioning in a new culture and that is new and interesting and fascinating. But what pisses me off about black people, I am so appalled at how little black people actually know about their hair in its natural state because they are out straightening (can you imagine putting a 100 degree iron in your hair to make it straight) or perming it as soon as these little girls are over 5. I don't have a vendetta against relaxers or black people having straight hair, but its a phenomena that spans continents. When you see 5% of a group(people of the African Diaspora) with natural hair and 95% doing some kind of straightener, its an epidemic. To make it more "manageable" what does that mean? That they want to ascribe to a particular standard of beauty. I don't think black people at all want to be white, that's quite the contrary, but we have been historically conditioned to espouse to those particular standards to function and be accepted in a majority society. And it continues very subconsciously.

For those of you that don't know, "nappy" or kinky is the term I think is more acceptable, is just super curly hair, it is tightly coiled hair. Instead of being straight and falling away from your head it draws closer to the scalp. And when wet curls up even more. Why is that? is a question I've gotten before, but that's like asking why is my skin black, I suspect God does things on purpose, just to spice up life and make a variety of beautiful things in different forms. (My theory is that the sun is hot in African and coiled hair acts like a protectant for the head, God knew what he was doing) Why am I different? or special? Kinky hair is quite the delicacy, only black people have mahogany skin and coiled hair. Or another question is why is everybody else different? Ha ha Or more importantly I guess we all need to realize that beauty comes in so many forms and one need not conform to the standard if that does not represent you. Or try to be something you are not. Be ok with the fact that you are you. I think that most of our social construction and cultural ideology comes from somewhere. Unfortunately for black people, our social construction of self came from what enslaved African were told about themselves, their history, culture and native land by Europeans. And these lies have stuck for hundreds of years.

So anyway it will be interesting to see my friend as she goes through the de-conditioning process of having natural hair and realizing her beauty. It will be hard because we as a people are so used to working with relaxed hair, that unfortunately kinky hair seems almost troublesome. We must all renew our minds and ask why do we think and act the way we do and where did that come from. So it is not enough to say that black is beautiful, because indeed it is, but as a people we need to start to think, speak and act that way. And even if you have a perm, do you boo, but cease to refer to hair in "good hair" (i.e less coiled and more straight and long) and "bad hair" (more coiled and usually short) terms. I have come to the realization that it is ok to be different and look different and even act different and be ok with that. God mad me that way on purpose and it is good. But that realization is a process.....

An encounter of the third kind

I just had this weird interaction with this guy at my job, by which I was thoroughly confused at what to think about it. I was making copies and he asks me to come into his office when I am done. To my surprise he asks me do I know what language Somali people speak and did I speak it. He came into contact with 24 Somali refugees living in one house and he could not speak the language to tell them that was a hazard nor did he know what organization or agency to contact to help them. Anyway, I answered no, and am thinking why would I know(with a rather annoyed and confused tone and expression).

Now lets analyze the intentions of this man. The first thing that comes into my mind is, yet another ignorant white person that just assumes because I am black I know the language and customs of Somalians. There are over 50 countries on the continent of Africa and probably thousands of languages, why would I , a random person know Somali. Would he have asked another white person or black person for that matter in the office? How many American people know Somali or any language other than english (unfortunately Americans are not usually multi-lingual) Did he ask me just because I was black; did he ask me because I am black and thought I might know or know how to locate that information because (I look rather afro-centric and attend UVA ), did he ask me because he thinks all black people look alike and/or did he mistake to be of Somali heritage (by which I am not at all offended by, I've been mistaken by quite a few African people for being native to their particular country, and think it's a compliment and must reply sorry I am just a black American). But i dont think i resemble the Somali people group in particular. Anyway I was taken aback and somewhat offended.

I was so annoyed from being singled out and approached in an unrefined way. Yet another encounter of well meaning white people, in which I don't know how to react, I can over or appropriately react and be angry black person or I can underreact and allow this cultural insensitivity and ignorance to go on. I addressed him today and said I really do not know why you approached me yesterday and I was rather taken aback. By in which he replied he could tell and had asked me because (1)-I looked like one of the Somali women (which makes me go hmmmm) is that true or another case of all black people look alike and (2) he knew I go to the University and throught I might know and be a resource. At any rate I did happen to know the organization that places refugees here in town and gave him their contact information. In the end i think was trying to help these people and wanted to ask me but did not know how to approach me and it came across weird.

I am however rather unnerved that I have to deal with these sorts of interactions quite often with well meaning white people that do not mean to be or know that they are offensive. I have become rather sensitive (perhaps over sensitive) and these encounters always just leave me wondering, confused, annoyed or angry. The "double consciousness" of being black in effect (if you don't know about this concept read some W.E.B DuBois). I think black people have to wonder all too often "is this happening because I am black." Which probably makes us look like angry black people all the time or "pulling the race card". Because i would guess 60-90% of the time it probably is because we are black(or we perceive it that way) the other % we are being defensive because unfortunately we always have to wonder if that is why we are being treated differently. In the words of James Baldwin, "just because I am paranoid does not mean they are not out to get me." And I say this because, just because I am paranoid (a natural response to 400 year history of prejudice and racism) does not mean that these particular stereotypes, insensitivity and points of ignorance do not exist. But i always have have to wonder...