The Crisis in African-American Families
I just read this article on the Crisis in African-American families due to father loss. Two thirds of black babies are born out of wedlock, its an epidemic. (JoiDoe did a good take on the baby mama drama) Why don't black people get married? One I think its the decline of marriage in general, but you know how black people are more adversely affected by most things. But more specifically this article points out the there are two main explanations:
1- At the low-income end, the disproportional incarceration, unemployment and early death of black men make them unavailable for marriage.
2- At the upper-income level, black women are far more likelier than black men to complete high school, attend college, and earn professional credentials that would render then "eligible" for marriage.
The article points out the fatherless boys become ineligible as husbands. This is true, if you have never had a father or seen a husband, you don't have anything to emulate. So their solution is marriage promotion. I have no problem with marriage promotion, but in this case it does not fully address the problem. Lack of available men and ineligible men. And marriage doesn't change the socio-economic pressures in the black community.
We did this series with teen girls on sex and marriage, talking about waiting until marriage. But the whole point is, they don't want to get married, not because they think marriage ultimately is a bad thing, but because most of the relationships they have seen are messed up and the men are abusive, unfaithful or lack ambition. Being married to them is probably another step into being totally attached to a messed up situation. Who wants to marry a loser. Who wants to encourage unhealthy marriages. I'm sorry but some people in these relationships don't need to get married, they need to either break up or one or more of the people need a major change. I think we also need to also promote positive images of manhood, instill values in young men and equip them to be more available (ie. Not in jail or dead) and eligible (education) inside and outside the home so that they will be good husbands (and wives for that matter). Young black men and women need to learn how to interact with one another with love and respect (it aint all about sex), have respect, standards and goals for themselves before they even think about entering into a covenant before God. But anyhow, at least somebody is taking a stab at the baby-mama phenomena, cause it aint cute and its killing our culture.
1- At the low-income end, the disproportional incarceration, unemployment and early death of black men make them unavailable for marriage.
2- At the upper-income level, black women are far more likelier than black men to complete high school, attend college, and earn professional credentials that would render then "eligible" for marriage.
The article points out the fatherless boys become ineligible as husbands. This is true, if you have never had a father or seen a husband, you don't have anything to emulate. So their solution is marriage promotion. I have no problem with marriage promotion, but in this case it does not fully address the problem. Lack of available men and ineligible men. And marriage doesn't change the socio-economic pressures in the black community.
We did this series with teen girls on sex and marriage, talking about waiting until marriage. But the whole point is, they don't want to get married, not because they think marriage ultimately is a bad thing, but because most of the relationships they have seen are messed up and the men are abusive, unfaithful or lack ambition. Being married to them is probably another step into being totally attached to a messed up situation. Who wants to marry a loser. Who wants to encourage unhealthy marriages. I'm sorry but some people in these relationships don't need to get married, they need to either break up or one or more of the people need a major change. I think we also need to also promote positive images of manhood, instill values in young men and equip them to be more available (ie. Not in jail or dead) and eligible (education) inside and outside the home so that they will be good husbands (and wives for that matter). Young black men and women need to learn how to interact with one another with love and respect (it aint all about sex), have respect, standards and goals for themselves before they even think about entering into a covenant before God. But anyhow, at least somebody is taking a stab at the baby-mama phenomena, cause it aint cute and its killing our culture.
posted by SPIRIT at 10:36 AM
6 Comments:
You said "...if you have never had a father or seen a husband, you don't have anything to emulate." I would add as well that Black women don't have good models for what good husbands are and therefore they often salivate over the wrong types of men. That's a major part of the problem. A critical question is this: Why do Black women, as single women, keep having babies if the pool of men is so limited? They complain about there not being any decent men but they keep having babies left and right. I didn't major in math but something doesn't add up here.
I totally agree. The women dont desire a quality man either, cause they dont know what one looks like, havent ever seen one or dont know that they deserve one. Its a take whatever you can get. So they have babies by men who are having babies with everybody else, so other peoples men or husbands. Men that are not husband material basically and most likely dont want to marry them or vice versa.
Spirit, you now know why I've pretty much failed with American Black women. I would be a great catch for a low-income woman but these types of women don't and perhaps can't appreciate me. Having a graduate degree, I feel too that I would be a great catch for higher income/educated women but I don't quite seem to fit their fantasies. It is as if I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Oh well, who cares? Just another brother complaining about Black women while Black women complain about Black men. It's not a crisis, it's just business as usual in the Black community.
"We know what happens to little black boys that have no dads, we've heard that, we get it," Steffans said. "But no one is really saying that young women who are born without fathers have real serious issues especially when their mother had no father. . . ." - Quote from Karrine Steffans, author of 'Confessions of a Video Vixen' as reported in The Washington Post.
Thats real. Jessie Jackson once said "What began as a problem has deteriorated into a condition. Problems require solving; conditions require healing."
I'm not beating a dead horse here but I disagree with your statement, "Its a take whatever you can get". I don't believe that. Black women only deal with men that they are sexually attracted to. For instance, some Black women will take an ex-con over an educated man simply because he is taller or projects a certain image. Other Black women will walk away from an interested stable white man and will deal with an unemployed Black man instead. So, it's not a take whatever one can get. Black women often reject good options for either nothing or for unstable guys.
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