I'll be an artist sometime soon!!!
So what does that mean? I don't know, but i think i will spend the next few months thinking about how i can be more creative and then finding something that allows me to do whatever that is for pay. How about that.
I have alot on my mind people. This is my brain download. Hear about my life, thoughts, things I think are funny and important, my views, perspectives and random mental, spiritual and emotional snapshots of where I am day by day.

I saw this trailer a few months ago and then last weekend and i was mesmerized. It looks like a must see. Somebody needs to get an Oscar from this one. Its executive produced by Oprah and Tyler Perry and has already won awards at the Sundance film festival. I was so obsessed that i went out and bought the book it was based on "Push," and read it the next day. Its a wonderful tale of deep pain, trial and perseverance, hope and triumph. It makes me want to work to see the good and beautiful in those the world has thrown out to trash. The ending message, push through the pain and resistance and realize that you and all of us are precious (i.e. something of value).
Below is a synopsis:
Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire" is a vibrant, honest and resoundingly hopeful film about the human capacity to grow and overcome.
Set in Harlem in 1987, it is the story of Claireece "Precious" Jones (Gabourey Sidibe), a sixteen-year-old African-American girl born into a life no one would want. She's pregnant for the second time by her absent father; at home, she must wait hand and foot on her mother (Mo'Nique), a poisonously angry woman who abuses her emotionally and physically. School is a place of chaos, and Precious has reached the ninth grade with good marks and an awful secret: she can neither read nor write.Precious may sometimes be down, but she is never out. Beneath her impassive expression is a watchful, curious young woman with an inchoate but unshakeable sense that other possibilities exist for her. Threatened with expulsion, Precious is offered the chance to transfer to an alternative school, Each One/Teach One. Precious doesn’t know the meaning of "alternative," but her instincts tell her this is the chance she has been waiting for. In the literacy workshop taught by the patient yet firm Ms. Rain (Paula Patton), Precious begins a journey that will lead her from darkness, pain and powerlessness to light, love and self-determination. "
Labels: vagrant
To everything there is a season,and a time to every purpose under the heaven - Ecclesiastes 3:1
So I have been thinking about seasons lately, as I am in a time of transition. Or maybe because I have felt in "transition" for years now. But anyway, I just gradated from grad school and moved back to my hometown area -- LI, New York. And I am just getting used to that fact that my whole life will be significantly different now. That season is over and a new season has begun. This whole reality and thought process is beset with excitement, anticipation, anxiety, frustration, distress and nervousness. See I just moved from a place that I have been trying to leave since I got there, only to really miss it once I have gone. But the night before I was leaving, I looked back at all of my time there and all I could say was "Thank You GOD," for knowing me way better than I know myself, for giving me what I wouldn't have known I wanted or needed, for growth change, friends, relationships, community etc. And I laughed, at myself and at God I guess, because the whole time,I was kicking and complaining, while he was trying to bless me, in ways that I did not even know. But at the end of the day God knew what he was doing, and it all turned out so very well, more than I could ask for. I was laughing because I just did not trust that he knew what he was doing. ha ha. I think that was a season of softening and stretching:
I felt that I have learned what is looks like to live in community and be a part of a community
What is means to care about and for people
I've learned a little bit more about how to share myself and be vulnerable
I think I have become more comfortable with myself, my past, my opinions and really a discovery of what I have to offer.
It was a season of learning how to give myself, serve others and allowing myself to be served (there is such a thing as being overly independent)
I have learned a little of what it means to trust God. I remember the day I was going to roll out, and the only reason I stayed is because my inner man said: Trust God-- he put you here.
I am totally fine with having just as many white friends as I do black friends. (that is a significant breakthrough). Now I can say "Some of my best friends are white" LOL
I think I have learned how to love, better and more deeply
I see God in a different way--from a different experience
So anyway, I am wondering what the next season will hold. As I step into so much unknown. The only thing that stops me from going back to the old, is that I know I am supposed to be here at this moment, at this job and I have to trust God about that. Even as I sleep on my mothers couch and all of my stuff is in boxes, and I have virtually no friends here. I just have to remember that I can Trust God in a through all of that. He seems to know what he is doing, even though I cant see it sometimes. Because almost three years ago, he sent me (poor, liberal, black girl) on some crazy mission to central Virginia, to a affluent, white, conservative church for a church fellowship with no friends, way out of my comfort zone and not knowing what she wanted to do with her life. And three years later: I've left with at least 30 good friends, a masters degree, a career path, a changed heart and a renewed mind, sense of self and Christ. So my prayer for myself is that I would just for once be happy where I am, in this season, and I would enjoy being where I am at this moment. I think I wanted to be somewhere else for years and I spent too much time not enjoying all the blessings that I had in front of me.
God is doing a new thing, i want to perceive it and embrace it.